When we forwarded your 2015 holiday gift requests to the North Pole last year, Santa immediately emailed back, “Do your people know that I’m on a budget? Do they know I have no control over the weather? Get real folks!”
I can’t even repeat what his Director of Gift Relations later said on the phone. That angry elf has a vocabulary to make a sailor blush. Fortunately, he followed up his tirade with an emailed copy of Santa’s Workshop Code, including the section on Acceptable Gift Requests (SWC Section 4, Paragraph 2).
Evidently, our open-ended ask-for-anything holiday wish list request was completely out of line. Last year readers asked for brand new trucks, brand new campers, various weather events, and clear roads to Alaska. All of these requests violated the Santa’s Workshop Code for cost and/or feasibility.
Since we don’t want to get on Santa’s naughty list again, and need to avoid another call from swears-a-lot elf, we are making some important changes to this year’s, “What do you want for the holidays?” Question of the Week.
Translated from the SWC code, here are the rules:
1. All gifts must fit into a box for shipping on a standard UPS or FedEx truck. Evidently Santa has outsourced the great majority of his shipping services to these two organizations.
2. All gifts must actually exist as real products available within the United States, Canada, or the country of your residence. No matter-to-energy transports. No anti-grump spouse ray guns. No weather events.
3. You can only ask for one thing. Following the recession, Santa’s budget experienced severe cutbacks that have yet to be fully rolled back up to pre-recession levels. The one gift limit helps Santa meet his budget.
And one more rule from us:
4. Your wished for item should be truck camper or truck camping related; something that you will use for your truck camper or while truck camping.
Basically, you need to select one truck camper related item that fits into a UPS or FedEx shipping box. If it’s legally available at a store or online, it counts.
Please be as specific as possible about the brand and model of the product you wish for. The current CFO at Santa’s Workshop came from the insurance industry, and has instructed his bean counters to substitute generics if specific models are not mentioned.
We will be publishing and sending your requests to the North Pole this Friday, November 25th. This is just in time for Black Friday allowing Santa’s elves to maximize efficiency, and save money.
Anyone who wants to make a gift request that does not comply with the above Santa’s Workshop codes can still participate. Your requests will be published in a special section alongside of the SWC compliant requests. If we get another angry elf phone call, so be it.